Kellie's '10 Cents'

Pete Holmes Can Shove It. — Pete Holmes video of his ‘funny’ skit.

Pete Holmes is a comedian on TBS. Last night he had a very disturbing act that depicted farmers as selfish and dumb people. This is what I want to tell Mr. Holmes.

Dear Pete Holmes,

Here’s a novel idea. How about you shut your trap before more stupid comes out. How about you pick those ‘cabbages’ yourself if us farmer’s aren’t doing it fast enough. How about you find out the facts before you start running your mouth.

Just so you know, we’ve had enough of morons like you too. How dare you impersonate us like we are hillbillies and mentally slow. Almost ALL of us have 4 year degrees and/or our Masters. We’ve gone to prestigious agricultural colleges. I, myself, attended Iowa State University. Where did you go? I’m pretty sure I could read off cue cards too. Oh wait, I know I can. Can you drive a tractor, operate technology that knows exactly what the soil is missing and give it what it needs or a GPS system that tells your tractor exactly where to go. Can you sort a load of cattle and make sure that the correct sized ones are going to market. Can you grind a batch of feed and get the right feed ration for the group of animals. God knows you can haul manure since you’re obviously full of it.

I would also just like to point out that your forefathers were probably farmers–they probably had to raise their own food at one time. So I hope you feel a little bad about disrespecting your heritage.

Do you even realize what you were making fun of? You said that “300 million of us turn our clocks back for what, 6, farmers?” REALLY? First off, all of you 300 million ungrateful people are eating the food that we ‘6’ farmers produce. If you don’t like it, then grow your own damn gardens. That wheat you were bashing—do realize how much food is made just from wheat? It’s one of the essential grains grown. What about corn? You like to drive your vehicle don’t you? Do you even know how many things are made from a HOOF of an animal, ONE HOOF? Jello. Lipstick. Glue. Just to name a few. For those ‘6’ farmers. I live in a town of 200. There are over 6 farmers here. Actually everyone in this town except for about 20 farm. Whether it is a little farm or a big farm, we all farm. You seem to have your facts a little messed up.

I would love for you to tell me exactly what you know about farming Pete Holmes. Do you know that it wouldn’t matter what time it was, farmers work around a 14-16 hour day anyway. They DO get up an hour early. The DO do what it takes to get their job done. Sorry that you business people can get your work done in 20 minutes. NOT US. We work until the work day is done. My father is 60 years old and provides food for around 5,000 people a year. He is out there busting his butt, day in and day out, to make sure that you get food. Do the beef industry a favor and quit eating our delicious product. Oh and quite eating eggs and poultry too. Those are two other things that my father produces. Do you see what I did there? I’ll spell it out for you since I think you’re a little slow. My father. One man. ONE FARMER. Produces enough food for 5,000 with his beef, corn, and chickens. ONE FARMER has that influence in the agricultural industry. What does a comedian do for this world? Not a damn thing. I’m proud of my father and what he does for this world. He is provider. Not only for his own family, but for the entire world.

Do you even know that we aren’t going to be able to produce enough food for the entire world in a couple years? God knows that NO ONE is going to want to give you any of their leftovers.

I dare you to come to my farm and see what is actually takes to run a farm. You can see what a farmer really does in a day. You have no clue as to what it takes. You don’t have the smarts to be a farmer. A farmer is a vet, mechanic, caretaker, and tiller of the land. He is so much more than someone who ‘picks cabbages’ and complains about the hours in the day.

I’m very upset about what you did on television–as you can probably pick up from my message to you. The reason I’m upset is because thousands of people across the country are trying to really tell people what is going on in the agricultural industry and give them a positive outlook on our businesses. Then you come out with this. For people who don’t know anything about farming, like you, probably believe all this and are once again upset with us. So thank you. I’m so glad you could make fun of good, hard working, dedicated, kind, and generous people. #sarcasm

Very annoyed and upset,

Kellie Gregorich

P.S. If you decide to take me up on that dare and work on my farm for the day, I’ll be ready for you. I’ll make sure we’re baling small squares that day.

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